we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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