Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
