oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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