I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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