Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
