your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
