Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
it's like heaven, but drunker
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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