I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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