Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize