when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
