if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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