He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
