Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
