you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
