champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
