Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
