How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I want to fling myself into the sun
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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