Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize