I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
