Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
