Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
