remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
