im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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