Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Randomize
