I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
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