ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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