just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
