Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize