The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
