the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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