she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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