It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Text me some of your sweat
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
