He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
