Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize