Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
