On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
