maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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