ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
