I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Randomize
