Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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