I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
