Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
