yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
