I can feel you judging me through the phone.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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