Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
