Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize