the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Randomize