Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
