I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
