I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
