my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
