I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
