As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
