haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
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