it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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