The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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