Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I want to fling myself into the sun
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
