Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
