After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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