Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
