i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I understand Curling. That high.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
