I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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