??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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