I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Randomize