girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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