ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
