Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Randomize
