Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
