Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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