I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
