I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
