proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
