We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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